then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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