I must be too annoying 4 u.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
