We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize