Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
