Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
