becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize