You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
