i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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