and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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