I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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