I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The air taste purple.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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