put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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