My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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