May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
