Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
