I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
