I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize