coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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