i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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