i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
