chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
