i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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