Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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