Where did you get a picture of my penis
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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