what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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