Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
