Already got asked if we're dating
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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