i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
