so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
