So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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