The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
