well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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