We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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