you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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