new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
