the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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