Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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