I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
