If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
