dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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