So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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