fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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