I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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