I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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