Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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