you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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