The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
