Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
