ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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