I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
