we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
