Where is the hickey?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
