I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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