last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
