you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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