so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I see more hoeing in ur future
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