It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
