he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
