Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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