If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
