either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
