she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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