I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
