Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
