I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
