Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
