I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
