how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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