6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
