Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
where are my eyebrows?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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