Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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