i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
