I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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