i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
