Tell her she can't have a vagina
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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