Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
