Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
