i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just high enough for therapy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
