just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize