I CAN MOONWALK!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's the barista slut.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
