he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
