but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
