NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
