I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize