If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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