Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
