Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
