Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
