He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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