God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
